This past Thursday, we welcomed parents and guardians to school to learn about what their children are doing throughout the day. While I would like to think that the way that we do this is both effective and interesting, I realize that most quality schools have similar events. In preparation for the event, I spent considerable time thinking about what our families might benefit from hearing. As of late I have really been struck by how challenging it is to be a parent in this day and age – especially of a middle school student. Just this summer, the Surgeon General advised that parents are “at wit’s end” and that their health and mental wellness is a significant public health concern. Recently, I had the good fortune to read an essay in The Atlantic by Georgetown Day School’s Head of School, Russell Shaw, titled “Lighthouse Parents Have More Confident Kids.” In a time when parents and guardians are needing support, this essay is just what the Surgeon General ordered.
Early in the essay, Shaw shares a story of his middle school child sharing with him that a classmate was acting in an unkind manner. Like most parents, his initial instinct is to do something. Upon further consideration, however, he realizes that it is probably not his best course of action. In the end, Shaw outlines a parenting style that leaves the helicopter and snowplow aside and instead urges parents to act more like a lighthouse. He explains that “Like a lighthouse that helps sailors avoid crashing into rocks, Lighthouse Parents provide firm boundaries and emotional support while allowing their children the freedom to navigate their own challenges.”
The mission of The Beech Hill School states that we will “provide opportunities for discovery, adversity, and autonomy.” As I pointed out to our families, our core beliefs align quite well with “Lighthouse Parenting.” In addition, while students’ parents may be the lighthouse, our caring faculty and staff are buoys and markers that provide additional guidance and protection from catastrophe. In the end, we share with parents and guardians the common goals of safety, success and well-being of the students.
I hope that Parents’ Night helped to put our families at ease and provided them a different way to think about the extremely challenging task of raising a middle school student in the world in which we live. I look forward to exploring this topic further in the future.